A decision which helped me grow – this is a tricky one.
I’ve made many decisions, but one of the most important was admitting I had a problem.
In 2021, I told my Doctor about my drop attacks, headaches, chronic pain, and fatigue for the first time.
In 2022, after months on sick leave with no end in sight, I was left alone. It gave me time to reflect, but it also gave me way too much time to overthink.
I spoke to a therapist about what was happening, and she requested me to speak with my Doctor because, and I quote, “You’ve never been in recovery”.
This was regarding my Eating Disorder.
So, the following week, I called and spoke with my Doctor to let them know what’d been happening for the past twelve years.
Immediately, Bulimia Nervosa was entered into my records, and that was it. I was told to self-refer to the mental health team, who immediately discharged me as they don’t consider an eating disorder a mental health issue. I was then referred to the eating disorder clinic, which refused to see me because I didn’t fit into one of their three specific criteria:
- BMI Under 18 and Anorexia Nervosa
- BMI in the healthy range, with Bulimia, for a maximum of 18 months
As someone with a high BMI, it was a punch to the face because I’ve always been plus-size. It reminded me that the NHS treats Plus Size people differently, meaning that if you’re in late-stage Bulimia Nervosa, you’ll fall through the cracks.
Since then, I’ve tried controlling it and working on a program to help me do it. As a result, the Binge Purge cycle has officially stopped, and I’ve not binged in over 11 days. I got to a month last year, but it didn’t last – clearly.
Getting my seizure diagnosis last month was a big turning point for me. Given that it made me worse for two weeks – I was worried about what the letter would say from the Doctor. I finally came on March 25th. I spoke to a new therapist on March 30th. I stopped a binge on March 31st and haven’t binged since.
A diagnosis doesn’t equal getting better. It doesn’t even equal treatment or understanding.
But, for me – knowing what is causing my seizures, pain, and fatigue has helped me kick-start my motivation to help myself.
Will it last? I don’t know. I hope it does.
I know my limitations now; I have so much room to grow, and I’m ready for it.
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