It became increasingly common in 2022 for me to have seizures – which I’m allowed to say now.
I recently got diagnosed with Non-Epileptic Seizures (P.N.E.S / N.E.A.D) and Functional Neurological Disorder (F.N.D). [If you have any questions about the conditions, let me know in the comments below or by filling in the contact form!]
Effectively, my brain experiences a trigger – whether physical, mental, or emotional and tells my body to turn off… I power down as if I’m a computer running into a bad script—the blue screen of doom kind of thing.
Anyways, with seizures increasing and the likelihood of them happening in public, it became frightening to leave the house. Especially after an incident where I almost got hit by a car – because I collapsed in the middle of the road and the driver didn’t want to wait for me to recover long enough to move [I was on the floor for all of 10 seconds when he threatened to run me over].
But, I went out with a friend to Leeds Pride in August 2022. It was my first time out of the house in over three months, and it was fantastic. Until I was in a bar, standing alone, and I dissociated.
In comes the rescue team, two women I met via my friend who took me to pride. They noticed that I was blank – just staring off into the distance. And while these [staring off into the distance] usually aren’t total seizures, just absences, the length was a worry. I must’ve been there for a couple of minutes when they noticed. They moved into action, sat me on a chair and held me upright since I was absent and partially atonic. When I finally came around, I was mute for a bit, but they kept me safe.
Compared to my many other public seizures, this was in the worst place but with the best people.
In a bar, having a seizure, anything could happen. I could’ve been stepped on due to the crowds, hit my head on one of many tables or chairs, or even cut myself on glass. But they took care of me.
It was a moment that gave me some faith back in humanity – especially after how many times I’d been hurt or insulted by members of the public for having seizures… Because, in their words, disabled people are just an inconvenience.
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