A strong sense of justice is a common Autistic trait. Of course, it doesn’t mean we all have it – but something important to know is that it doesn’t equate to being morally superior. A strong sense of justice can be linked to someone’s morals, but it’s usually about fairness.
Now, if you don’t think you have a sense of justice as an Autistic person, let me suggest this and see if you have experienced it:
You think it’s unfair when you have to go out of your way to do something only for the other person to waste your time and energy, then shrug it off with “it all worked out alright in the end” at your expense.
If you end up feeling irritated and hurt by this. You will probably be called uptight for calling attention to the unfairness – leading to burnout, deregulation, and likely anxiety: this is your sense of justice peaking through.
It’s followed me my entire life; I’ve been made to do a task for someone, which wasted my time and effort, and then by being upset about it – I’ve been punished in some way.
A prominent example for me is when I organised a group holiday. It was the first time I’d gone on holiday with friends, I’d never done it before, and neither had they, so I organised it.
We decided where we wanted to go, which fell through because two out of three of them didn’t give me their money in time to book the tickets, which meant we missed out on a holiday in Spain.
On the day, they went to the wrong station – in a city with two train stations, they went to the smaller (non-public – A.K.A Commercial Only) station, which led them to be late and because my other friend didn’t want to board without the other two, we then missed out train… We eventually missed an entire day at our UK holiday destination.
They blew all this off with: it all worked out alright in the end.
And it did, for them – they still got to have a holiday they enjoyed.
For me, I missed visiting Spain for the first time because they decided to wait another month to pay up so they could go clubbing. I then missed a cool museum exhibit that was closing on the day we were arriving at the new destination – I’d specifically booked earlier train tickets so that we could get there in time to see it.
If something happens and you can comfortably say: It worked out alright in the end. Ask yourself who it didn’t work out for – because there’s always someone who has to pay the price, there’s always someone who loses out or misses out so that you can make a mistake and get out of it.
If you ask someone to do something for you, then you turn up late – and I don’t mean five or ten minutes, I mean thirty to sixty minutes late – apologise, do what you need to, and ask them what you can do for them.
Don’t just say I owe you one.
Ask them what you can do or do something for them. Give them a gift of something you know they’ll like, buy them their lunch if you’re behind them in the queue, I don’t know. Just don’t think everything will be fine because it worked out alright in the end.
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