Since 2021, I’ve struggled to see faces in their full beauty.
After a trauma in January 2021, I’ve struggled to recognise faces. This has affected my work, my social life, and overall my existence in a family.
The worst part is knowing that I can no longer picture their faces.
I can see my partner’s face – engraved into my brain, and I don’t have any issue seeing it – whether on a screen or in person.
But the rest of my family – my parents and my siblings… I can’t see them at all.
They’re just blank.
Even pictures of them are hard to see, easier than in person, but still tricky.
The worst part of it is trying to remember what people look like.
As someone with a vivid imagination, being unable to think of a person and see their face is strange for me. And it’s starting to affect my work because I can’t confidently write a character with a face.
Describing someone’s appearance when everyone looks blank is hard.
And it’s gotten worse over the past few weeks because it’s happening to my face, too, now.
I’ve decided I can’t usually see my face because I harbour too much negative emotion towards myself. I’ve noticed that the more I dislike someone, the less I can see their face…
But my face is warping, and it’s taking a toll.
The proportions of my face are so warped and wrong, and I know they’re not actually like that, but it’s all I can see…
If I seem inactive now, it’s likely because I’m only doing commissions. It’s the only thing keeping me going without breaking into sad poetry or sobby romances.
I have prosopagnosia, and I’m trying to cope with it, but the isolation I’m feeling is more than I can handle.
I hate it.
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