“I’m Still Bi” – Biphobia and Bi-Erasure in the LGBT+ Community

Throwback to September 2022

happy couple sitting on a concrete surface

Having to deal with Biphobia and Bi-Erasure in society is a common issue, but having the same abuse thrown at you by your community is – to a degree – much worse.
Having a safe space within a community when marginalised in society is the crucial difference between life and death. But Bisexuals don’t have that safe space.

Outside of the LGBT+ community, you probably hear men asking bisexual women for a threesome or women accusing bisexual men of being closeted gay men.
Inside the community, on the other hand, can be just as bad. Lesbians will accuse Bisexual women of “experimenting”, and Gay men will accuse Bisexual men of being closeted or ashamed.

It’s become too familiar for LGBT+ people to accuse Bisexuals of being greedy or not picking a side to stay neutral, yet they’re one of the most stigmatised groups in the community.
Almost half of Bisexuals have considered suicide due to mistreatment, simply for being Bisexual. Whether from Biphobia or Bi-Erasure from loved ones, the community, or even strangers.

A prime example of the discrimination Bisexuals regularly go through is what’s happening with the LGB Alliance. This LGBT+ hate group is specifically anti-trans and pretends to be an LGB support group.
LGB A said in a tweet that Bisexuals in “Straight” relationships should not attend LGB events with their partner – whether their partner is LGB or not.

Of course, Biphobes immediately came to the LGB A’s aid when bigotry was pointed out – with many saying that:

black drag queen drinking wine

Bisexuals in straight relationships don’t need to attend Gay Bars because they’re currently with someone.

Let’s start with the first point:
People in relationships shouldn’t attend Gay Bars

Why? Why shouldn’t a person who is LGBT attend a gay bar because they’re in a relationship? Is socialising illegal for LGBT people in relationships? Or do you assume that they’d cheat by simply attending a bar?

Or is it purely only applicable to Bisexuals? For example, do you assume that a Bisexual in a relationship would cheat simply because they’re around other people?

There are many issues with this. The idea that Bisexuals can’t go to a gay bar without cheating is Biphobia built on the concept that bisexuals are inherently: 

  • Cheats
  • Greedy
  • Non-Monogamous
  • Unfaithful

Which is wrong.

Can a bisexual be Poly? Yes. Can a bisexual cheat? Yes. Do all bisexuals cheat or have open relationships? No – it’s a stereotype and entirely incorrect.

Next, the idea that Bisexuals in STRAIGHT passing relationships can’t attend LGBT or gay bars:
Are they allowed to attend alone?
Does it matter if the other person is Bisexual, too? Or just because they appear straight – that’s that?

And finally: “they’re currently with someone”.
CURRENTLY – at present.

The idea that it’s a phase to be bisexual is so common that the Biphobia is often hard to detect. Some people don’t even realise they’re doing it until it’s pointed out.
But the idea that a Bisexual cannot attend an LGB event because they’re CURRENTLY in a straight relationship… It’s obvious where the writer was going with that train of thought.

It’s not the first time I’ve heard it, nor will it be the last.
The idea that Bisexuality is a phase and, for example, that a Bi woman will emerge as a Lesbian later in life is pure Biphobia and Bi-Erasure.
It proves that the people supporting the LGB A aren’t even LGB… They might be L or G, but they’re not B and are certainly not allies.
They want people to conform to a binary concept – in the same way that they want Trans people to live solely in their assigned gender, they also wish Bisexuals to either be gay or straight. But, unfortunately, they can’t seem to comprehend the in-between.

So, how do we tackle this?
– Stop suggesting that Bisexual people, who’re dating the opposite gender, are straight. We stop calling their relationships straight; we stop trying to force heteronormative stereotypes on them.
– Stop ignoring that they exist at events.
– Stop asking them for threesomes (I’m looking directly at you, Cis White Men).
– Stop pressuring them into identifying as gay/lesbian to make you feel more comfortable (I’m looking directly at you, Gays and Lesbians).
– And finally, stop asking how they know they’re Bisexual when they’ve only been with one gender… You don’t have to own an album to know you like the music.

Do better. Support Bisexuals; they have the second highest suicide rate in our community, the least support, and the second largest amount of family/friend discrimination. Do Better.


6 thoughts on ““I’m Still Bi” – Biphobia and Bi-Erasure in the LGBT+ Community

  1. I constantly have to remind my wife of my bisexuality so she doesn’t make me straight in her mind

    1. Theodora Rosenberg March 27, 2023 — 11:35

      She needs to acquire *Bi Husband* Energy.

  2. Much of the grief I’ve gotten about being bisexual has come from gay men more than anyone else. Their objections to me being bisexual used to really bother me when I was way younger than I am today until I realized and understood that a lot of it was… sour grapes. Or some had gotten romantically entangled with a bi guy in their past and the relationship they were looking for never happened and now all bi guys are bad guys. Or getting miffed with me because I love women and I’m never going to give them up just to be with a guy.

    I’ve heard some stuff over the decades and it speaks poorly about some in the community than it does straight people who, for the most part, are NIMBY about it; it’s cool as long as you’re not hitting on them.

    And understanding something about human behavior: If you’re not like us, you’re against us and seeing and hearing how some – but not all – gay men I’ve encountered taught me that, today, most of this riffing against bisexuality does, in fact, come from the LGBTQ+ community because being bisexual isn’t being lesbian or gay. This topic bothers a lot of people but it doesn’t bother me because (1) this is nothing new in that respect and (2) if someone doesn’t like that I’m bisexual, all they can do it not like it and all the riffing, name-calling, etc., isn’t going to change a thing about me.

    It’s only a problem when you allow it to be a problem for yourself. Haters are always going to hate and if you pay attention to them, THEY WIN and, well, I prefer that they never do. Great posting and thank you for sharing it!

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