It came as a surprise to me when I was recently involved in a conversation where a couple of men mentioned that they were unable to cry in front of their partners due to judgement.
I asked if they’d cried in front of their partners and had a bad experience or made an assumption, and I’m happy to say – it was the latter.
Now, I want to go into this because I’m worried.
The reason these men suggested their partners judge them for crying is because they were told by their fathers, as children, that boys don’t cry.
Now, as we’re all aware – crying is a normal reaction to anger, stress, upset, depression, and burnout, among many other things.
Crying is a great stress reliever – and most people will feel better after crying.
I’m not sure how many men require this reminder, but if you feel burnt out, angry, upset, depressed, or stressed – it’s okay to cry. And the person you should always feel most comfortable crying around is your partner.
I saw a similar conversation on social media, where men announced they shouldn’t cry in front of their partners if they wish to be the Dominant in the relationship.
Now, they’re unlikely talking about Dominance in the BDSM sense of it – these types of comments are usually made by misogynistic men who believe they should be the breadwinner while the women should be pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen.
However, if we do go down the BDSM route:
Dominants – of any gender – are allowed to show emotion in front of their Submissives.
The idea that Dominants shouldn’t have any emotions is horrific. In the same way, some people think Dominants shouldn’t be allowed to use Safewords and they don’t need aftercare.
Let me make this ultimately clear:
- Men, boys, and masculine individuals are allowed to cry. If their partner judges them for it, they should leave their partner and find someone who isn’t an utter piece of shit.
- Dominants have the right to show emotion – they also need safewords for the same reasons as Submissives, and require aftercare.
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